Stillbirth is Still Birth
These are the word written by mother, Erin. She shares the delicate story of saying hello and goodbye to her perfect baby boy Henry. We share this story in hopes to comfort and educate the world that Stillbirth is Still Birth.
I had always known I wanted to have a professional birth photographer take pictures of my labor and delivery. I was obsessed with the amazing moments that can be captured, that pass by so quickly, as I have seen in my profession as a labor and delivery nurse. At first, my husband was skeptical and nervous about having a stranger in the room but thankfully he agreed after some discussion. We researched online and asked friends and ended up meeting and hiring a birth photographer who lived pretty close to where we were planning to deliver, the hospital that I worked at.
Unfortunately, our pregnancy ended in a horrible tragedy. We found out at 38 weeks and 4 days that our baby had died inside of me. There is no way to really convey the intense emotions we experienced from that point on, including the ones that arose within me knowing I would have to face an induction of labor and give birth to our lifeless child. Everything was just so wrong about all of it. I knew immediately that more than ever did I want those photos. They would be almost all we would be able to bring home with us from this day. It was very important to me. So I texted her and explained the situation and asked if she would still be willing to come. She said she would but admitted she had never photographed a stillbirth before. She asked how we would feel about having someone else who had experience with this come instead. I said that was fine with me but doubted that she would be able to find someone last minute. She texted me back very shortly after and said that Brianna Waltman, who lived in Corinna, about an hour and a half away, was absolutely willing to come and photograph our child’s birth, and to call her anytime day or night when labor had begun. I couldn’t really believe it but was just very grateful.
Labor took a while to get going, as is typical for a first-time induction, but once my water broke things got intense immediately! At some point, I think my husband thought of calling Bri and asking her to head our way when she could. I don’t know what time it was when she showed up and I don’t even really remember her being there until right before I was about to start pushing I looked up and saw someone I had never met before and I asked her, “Are you the photographer?” She said, “Yeah hi, I’m Bri!” It made me chuckle but within a minute I had something else to focus on, pushing out our son. She was so inconspicuous and not distracting at all, which I really appreciated. Everything about what happened that day was so wrong and awful and scary and painful, but when it came time to push him out, it was like time slowed down and it was the most beautiful moment of my life, sacred. I felt so much connection to my son, even though his life was already gone. I talked to him and touched his head when it began to emerge and I felt so extremely present in that moment with him. My midwife guided my hands to his body and helped me to deliver him into my own hands as I lifted him onto my stomach. I held him close like that, feeling so much intense love for him I felt like I should have been able to love him back to life. My husband told me that he was a boy; we didn’t know ahead of time. I instantly knew his name was Henry, my sweet Henry boy. It was a moment of pure joy and utter heartbreak that I will never, ever forget.
Later when we got the photos that Bri had taken, we just sobbed as we looked through them. They were so incredibly beautiful and allowed me to really solidify that special moment in my mind. Seeing my sweet husband’s loving support and his tender looks and touches warmed me to the core, as I wasn’t necessarily aware of them in the moment. These pictures are some of our most precious possessions now and several are displayed around our house, as we think about and talk about Henry every day. Having your child die inside of you at the very end is something I wish no parent ever had to go through. But if you do, I highly recommend taking as many pictures as possible, of the baby and the family, and I really, truly hope that you are able to have someone as talented and special as Brianna to take them.
To read a follow-up on this family, click here. 
Absolutely beautiful, thank you so much for sharing your birth. So deeply sorry for your loss.
It is an absolute honor to witness your powerful story ✨
This was the most breathtaking thing I’ve ever seen. He is so beautiful. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. Thank you so much for sharing this moment.
God bless this family…. these photos are beautiful, you have beautiful memories of your birth and after of Henry.
Your mothering love is so clear for us all to witness. Thank you for the privilege of allowing us to. The love of Henry’s daddy for you and him is also clear and very moving. I wish you all peace.
These photos are so raw and capture the moment beautifully. May you cherish them and the memory of your son forever 💜 All the love
Thank you capturing this. Thank you momma for sharing Henry with us.
This is a beautiful story. I’m so sorry for the family’s loss. As a fellow l&d nurse I can attest to this being our biggest fear. you are not alone. Cherish the memory of that beautiful boy
Henry was a beautiful baby. So lucky to have such strong and loving parents. My thoughts are with you.
I saw one photo of your sweet boy and your birth on Instagram. I didn’t want to look and run and felt compelled to give you and your sweet boy the acknowledgment you both so deserve so I followed the links until I found this blog entry. Henry is beautiful, you and your husband, nothing short of warriors. I wish you every moment of peace and love and I’m so deeply sorry for your loss.
Absolutely beautiful and so hard. Thank you for sharing your story, your pictures and your son.
Sweet boy Henry. My heart is breaking as i scrolled through these breathtaking pictures. You have a big heart, mama. Thank you for sharing this beautiful moment to us.
The picture of your nursing and the words “I felt like I should be able to love him back to life…”. Wow, just wow. ❤️
It’s 20 past midnight, I’m a single mom and my sweet baby girl is peacefully breathing next to me, fast asleep. We sleep together every night, she’s 8 months old… And I’m next to her with tears running down my face… My heart has never felt this heavy. I can’t even imagine half the pain you’ve been trough, as a mom, as a dad. While I worry cause her dad will come to pick her up for the first time tomorrow, I should be happy she’s still here…
This touched me so much, in so many ways. I am so deeply sorry you had to go trough this. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy …
I deeply wish I could turn back time and prevent this from happening.
I hope you will be able to give this a place in your life and feel happy again…
Sweet Henry boy, I’m so sorry you didn’t make it… I hope you had a peaceful life in your moms belly. I wish you all rainbows and kisses in the world.
Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for Henry’s life story. Thank you.
I feel like you gave me a gift….these moments are absolutely breathtaking….every single one ☝🏽 of them. Thank you for sharing you beautiful birth and son with me. Your husband is a solid rock. God bless you 💜
So beautiful. So much love and emotion here. Warriors, all of you. ❤️❤️
Que dieu vous bénie et vous fortifie dans cette épreuve 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿❤️
From one angel mom to another I just want to say that these pictures of your beautiful son are just so precious. I too have pictures of my angel around our house. She was 39 weeks when we lost her. Thank you for sharing your story and showing how beautiful and amazing our stories are. Sending love and prayers.
Wow mama, these are BREATHTAKING. You are so strong for sharing your story and these amazing pictures. I lost my baby boy in October and I wish I would have taken the steps you did to get these kind of pictures, they are stunning. Thank you so much for sharing your story to help create awareness of the stillbirth world that so many don’t know about, you’re doing amazing work. Much love to you and your family, especially to your sweet boy Henry!
This is so beautiful. It takes me right back to the day we held our Hayden. We found out he passed when we arrived at the hospital in labor at 38+1. It will be 3 years on much 5th.
Thank you for sharing beautiful momma❤️
So precious and beautiful thank u so much for sharing.
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. We also cherish our photos of our son who was stillborn. I’m glad that you chose to have those moments captured; it is a difficult decision in the moment.
Just heart wrenching, he looks so perfect. My heart goes out to you and your family. This little angel is beautiful.
My daughter was stillborn on 12/18/2020, all the emotions on her face, I’ve felt. This photoset was so powerful and captures all of the love and pain moms of stillborn children go through. Thank you so much for sharing. Congrats on your beautiful, sweet boy Henry. I’m so sorry for your loss.
So very beautiful. I wish I would have taken more pictures of my son when he was born sleeping. The nurses were so lovely to take many for me. Which I am so grateful for.
What a beautiful boy and what an amazing mama. I wish with my whole heart he could be loved back to life. Thank you for sharing your strength and story.
I just saw these on Love what matters. Thank you for sharing these beautiful pictures and I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy.
I’m sorry for the family loss. The photos are very intense and full of emotions. I can feel your motherly love, baby Henry must be feeling loved in heaven.
Just beautiful , and heartbreaking. I know sweet Henry is looking down at his parents from heaven with smiles.
I wish you get to experience the birth of many healthy babies in this lifetime.
Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful memories of Henry with us. You are strong parents- stay strong!